Now that I have your attention…
I’ve noticed lately that quite a few of my male friends have been posting some very blatant sexual humor posts. I don’t really find it funny. In fact it makes me think a little less of them. I see people leave stupid comments and laugh at these posts. I think it must really lower their IQ’s.
What’s really funny is when I post about a dating or relationship situation – not in a self loathing, poor me kind of way, but rather a matter of fact, casual way – I typically get PMs to the effect of: “don’t worry” “you’ll find the right guy” or “so sorry you’re going through that”. I’m pretty sure the guys posting raunchy, sexually charged posts don’t get PM’s of people “consoling” them.
Let me make something clear, I am neither frustrated nor heartbroken. I find it rather amusing and quite sad the way men no longer seem to know how to behave. However, I’m not your mother so I don’t have to keep you around. I will probably laugh about it as I tell my friends the stupid things you did or write about it on Facebook because that is what I do. Part of me hopes that you will read it and realize that I am talking about YOU and – just maybe – you can learn to behave a little better for the next woman you encounter.
That being said, here are some things that make me think you’re less than fabulous:
– if you only call me when you are drunk. You might need rehab honey. I don’t have time to be drunk all day everyday. I’ve got shit to do, like change the world.
– if you only want to be “spontaneous” and call me last minute to see if I am able to come meet you for a drink. The statistical possibility that you will actually call me at a time when I am available to go out, will want to go out, and will want to go out with you is pretty freaking slim because I’m effing busy changing the world.
– if you can’t have a conversation deeper than a kiddie pool. I’m busy with real people and real situations that really matter so I can do my part to change the world.
– if you send me a message with a ridiculous amount of spelling and grammatical errors. I’m going to wonder if you graduated elementary school or if you grew up in the hood. Either way, I can’t talk to you. Period. Ever. I’m not your teacher. Also, I’m pretty busy changing the world.
– if you send me pictures of your “package” when I have not requested it – and there’s a 99.99% chance I won’t. I have much better things to do than look at really bad porn… like change the world.
– if you only call me on a Friday or Saturday night… At 2am… After you’ve gone out with your friends… And ask me to come over. Let me tell you that you are neither Channing Tatum nor Shemar Moore. I’m pretty sure that whatever ride you want me to get out of my comfy bed for won’t be worth it. Plus, I need my beauty sleep so I can change the world.
If you’re interested in knowing some things that women think are pretty freaking phenomenal, here’s a few:
– if you are generally happy and don’t feel the need to medicate yourself every night. We all have problems, but the fact that you are able to deal with yours is sexy.
– if you plan and execute a date, that shows effort and thoughtfulness. It also shows a respect for my time. Everything about this is sexy.
– if you can discuss a variety of topics and have a valid, self-formed opinions. A beautiful mind is just sexy.
– if you take the time to use actual words, rather than slang, or internet slang. Intelligence and attentiveness are sexy.
– if you send me a pic of you just because. Your face is sexy.
– if you call me Monday at 7am because I was the first thing you thought of when you woke up. Your heart is sexy.