Monthly Archives: February 2015

girl

Love In Such A Way

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free”
Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Love in such a way that she feels free to be who she is

Love in such a way that she feels safe

Love in such a way that when she tells you all her secrets, she knows they will be protected, not used against her

Love in such a way that her past will not impede her future

Love in such a way that she can stumble and fall into your arms

Love in such a way that when the world is crumbling around her, you are her protection

Love in such a way that to her, you are home

Love in such a way that she sees herself in your eyes

Love in such a way that you are who she dreams of

Love in such a way that her dreams come true

Love in such a way that she always knows that she is yours

 

hurricane tree

Hurricane You

You came into my life like a tropical storm

The notion of you would soon have me transformed

Your strong winds swayed me

Swept away I would be

In the beginning, I was just dancing in your rain

Pretty soon, I was drowning in my pain

I love you I hate you

I want you Go away

Take me with you Just stay just stay

Remember the good times Can’t forget the bad

You make me so happy You make me so sad

Over time you grew and you grew

Now I’m lost in Hurricane You

 

 

 

My Gift

When I saw you
In the depths of all your darkness
You made me believe in love again
I felt myself in you
And reminisce of days long gone
When I was where you are
Days I’d never go back to
But I’d go back there for you
To hold your hand
And walk through that with you
I dreamed of dreams
They seem so far away
You made me believe in life again
I knew that I could make it through
With or without you
My foundation is solid
My will is strong
But to you I wanted to hold on
And even though we parted ways
I’ll dream of you for all my days
You touched my heart
You breathed my soul
I have you pumping through my veins
Before you I was fine
Now I’m torn, not quite divine
You’re gone, you’re gone
I cannot bring you back
My heart is broken
My heart is whole
My love for you
Has no control
Although I lost one great love
To have the chance to love you
Was a gift from above

The Reasons Why

We had some really amazing times. We had some hard struggles. A few months ago, I decided to write down all the reasons why I love you. Rather than focus on the things that brought me sadness, pain, and hurt, I wanted to remind myself every little thing I love about you. I thought maybe you should know some of the reasons why…

  • I love it when you whistle. There’s something so happy about the sound that your lips make that makes me smile.
  • I love when you kiss my lips so softly, when you are gentle and sweet and when you touch my face.
  • I love the way your hands feel on my hips.
  • I love the way you look so intensely in my eyes. I feel like you could pierce my soul.
  • I love the dimples on your back.
  • I love the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile.
  • I love when you hug me so tight that I feel that we could melt into each other.
  • I love that you record my favorite shows even if you don’t necessarily like them.
  • I love the way you treat your dog like a human being.
  • I love when I ask you what you’re doing, you give me a play by play.
  • I love the way that you opened my up and allowed me to love you and be loved by you. I never thought I’d feel that for another man again.
  • I love when you sing. You’re voice might not seem great to you, but it is amazing to me.
  • I love when you laugh… when you really laugh. If that was all I heard all day, I would be in heaven.
  • I love that my heart longs for you.
  • I love your freckles.
  • I love when you tell me all the things you love about me.

There’s so much more that I love about you but I think this is a good start.

 

I think about how it might have been
We’d spend our days travelin’
It’s not that I don’t understand you
It’s not that I don’t want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I’ve got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I’m up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I’m gone, and you’re still there

image

She’s not the one

My ex-boyfriend sent me this quote once. It read, “If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.” To which I responded, I must be the one then. Clearly, I was wrong. Unless of course, there’s something in our future we know nothing about… but I digress.

I think that the women he dated before me are quite different than me. I never really asked much about them. I imagined they would be well dressed, professional. They probably ate at expensive restaurants, wore designer suits and adorned their bodies with jewels from Tiffany & co. Their nails always perfectly manicured. You’d never catch them without makeup on, unless they just left the day spa after receiving a facial. I’m fairly certain that the only outdoor activity they did was lounge by the pool at a plush resort. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living such a rich lifestyle. In fact, I’ve partaken in all of these activities myself when the mood struck me.

The difference is that I’m much more of a nature girl, a free spirit. I’m as simple as I am complicated. Although I’ve had the pleasure of staying in ritzy places, such as the penthouse suite in the Bellagio, and dined with celebrities and millionaires, I’m much more at home swimming in the ocean, climbing a mountain, or jumping in my car for a last minute, completely unplanned road trip.

I derive great pleasures from philosophical, thought provoking conversations. I am fascinated by intellectuals with depth and complexity. I am an activist and quite passionate when I see things that are wrong in the world, even if it puts me in the line of fire sometimes. I have deep rooted faith, but I rarely go to church. More than anything, I am as passionate as I am intricate.

I think being so different from his comfort zone terrified him, but it also intrigued him. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with him. I loved him and I don’t think he couldn’t quite understand why. I also pushed him. Whenever I could, I dug deep into his soul because that is what fascinated me about him most. Not the surface level stuff that everyone else sees. It was the rich man that lingered underneath his skin.

Sometimes it was so easy. His secrets and deepest thoughts would just burst out of him like a wild river rushing from his lips to my ears. Other times, it was like prying open a steel vault hidden underneath hardened concrete at the bottom of an ocean. Either way, I felt entranced and enamoured. When it was easy, I knew he trusted me and I felt honored. When it was difficult, I was desperate to know all there was to know about him,  longing to tear him apart and get inside his being. I secretly relished in the challenge that was him.

It had to be petrifying the closer I got to his soul, because it mortified me the closer he got to mine. He was so good at getting to mine. All the things I yearned for, he did. He asked questions, but not just any questions. He had a way about him that made me want to tell him all the secrets in the world. Yet… at times I didn’t. It scared me to think that if he knew all of me that he would just walk away like so many before. I wanted so desperately to reveal myself, and so I did… piece by piece. There was something about him that dug into the deepest parts of my heart. He would ask something simple and it would trigger memories and ever so often I would choke up, with tears in my eyes. It’s something I hadn’t experienced in years. The way he was able to expose me and I was grateful to him for it. You see, to have someone love you so much that they want to know all that you are and to love them so much to want to reveal the very core of your being… that is pure, immaculate love. It is exceptional. I think back sometimes, maybe if I hadn’t been so scared to lose him, I would have revealed myself much sooner, and maybe I wouldn’t have lost him. Certainly other factors came into play, but oh the irony of it all…

It was so effortless and laborious to love that man and I would fall in love with him all over again, every day, for the rest of our lives, but this time, I would do it better.