Nine Years

In less than a week, it will be 9 years since you moved on. So much has happened in those nine years, but still you live within my soul. Never have I ever met someone so full of unconditional love and warmth and kindness and compassion. I’ve had people tell me that my loss of you doesn’t “count”, after all, we only knew each other for five months and we never walked down the aisle. We didn’t have the privilege of 20 or 30 or 40 years of marriage. What we had was incredible though.

You loved me.

Before I met you, I dreamed of you. It was like I was missing a piece of myself and I had to find it. When you walked through the doors of the Marina, I knew it was you that I was missing. We were one person living in two bodies. Finding you was like I had been drowning… suffocating… gasping for air… and you came along, pulled me close and you were my oxygen.

You saved me.

You were and still are the one person who took a good look at me, saw my insides… all my darkness and all my light… and you just loved me. Your love gave me strength. You love gave me hope. Your love filled every piece of me that once felt empty and alone. Your love allowed me to be completely free and with that I always was drawn right to you. I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t have a choice but to love you with every inch of my being. For you, I would have given my life. Instead, you gave me yours.

You live within me.

When others beat me with my darkness, you reminded me of my light. When I struggled to get through my storms, you were my shelter. When I felt broken and deficient, you made me feel exceptional.

You saw me.

As much as I was broken when you died, I would go through all the pain and heartache to feel as completely alive and whole as I did when I had you. If I never find love like that again, I will be forever grateful to have held you in my arms for that flicker of time that is now so distant. I will never forget the life you breathed into me and how free you allowed me to be. It’s the most loved I have ever felt. Thank you for that. Thank you for letting me be exactly who I am. Thank you for loving me as much as you did, the way you did.

You freed me.


I will forever love you RJ Rady. <3